SILLY JOKES PAGE
Several people have asked me to put up some of the Native jokes that go around in my travels, so here they are. I take no credit for authorship of any of them. Some are not really suitable for small children, so be forewarned.....On the other hand, some sensitive folks may deem these jokes to be somewhat racist. They're not racist, just culturist, and it's important to laugh, especially at yourself. If you have a funny Native Joke, please send it along, we'll post it here if it's not too disgusting....
MONTANA DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND GAME ADVISORY ON BEARS
Helena Montana, January 31, 1999 -
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana
Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take
extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. "We advise
that outdoorsmen should wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to
startle bears that aren't expecting them," a spokesman said. "We
also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter
with a bear".
Anglos have BC and AD to measure time. Native People only have the four BC's****(see bottom of page)
This wagon train is heading across the desert, when all of a sudden the wagon master notices that on all sides of the valley, there are Indian guys. He quickly forms the wagons into the "Hollywood" circle, to protect the families in the train. Nothing happens. Soon, drums are heard pounding out in the distance, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum.......(the famous Hollywood drumbeat from the John Ford movies) The wagon master tells the train, "I don't like the sound of this...." From out in the distance comes another voice, saying, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!"
A Cheyenne man goes into a grocery store, and asks for a package of toilet paper. The clerk offers him 3 kinds, Charmin, Best Brand, and Generic. The Cheyenne man takes the generic. He comes back in a week later, throws the remainder of the toilet paper at the store clerk and says, "I don't want no cheap John Wayne toilet paper!" The clerk laughs and says, "It's not John Wayne toilet paper, it's GENERIC toilet paper." The Cheyenne guy tells him, 'You can call it whatever you want, but it's rough, tough, and won't take crap off nobody!"
A Dine' guy is sitting in a bus stop with two old Anglo men. The first Anglo guy says, "Hey Herb, where you going for vacation this year?" Herb tells him, "I'm going to Montana to fish this year", The first guy looks at him and exclaims, "What you want to go there fer? They ain't nothin but a bunch of damned Indians up there." Herb then says, "Well, where you goin?" The first guy says, "I'm going to Arizona and soak up some sun!" Herb looks at him and yells, "You moron, there's nothing but a bunch of Indians in Arizona!" Then the little Dine' guy speaks up and comments, "Why don't you both just go to hell! There's no Indians there."
NASA asked this elder Dine' guy to record a message to put on their newest S.E.T.I. satellite, along with messages from other cultures and languages. He records the message, the satellite is launched, and one day CNN broadcasts the messages being sent into outer space from the spacecraft. A huge belly laugh is heard coming from the entire northern portion of Arizona. When CNN asks why the people are laughing, a man from Chinle tells them, "The message says that if they are hearing this, to stay quiet and don't respond, because as soon as the white man knows where those aliens live, they'll come over for dinner, and end up NEVER going home!"
An Apache guy, who had spent his whole life in the desert, goes to visit a
friend who had moved to town. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teapot whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teapot into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the noise, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the Apache guy, "Why'd you bust up my teapot?" The desert man replies, "Shii' kiis', you gotta kill these things when they're small."
Two Indians at Plymouth Rock watch a huge ship full of
white people pulling into the harbor. The one looks at the other and asked
"Do you think they'll stay overnight?".
Did you know that vegetarian is an indigenous word? Translated it mean "Can't hunt"!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on
the ice too long?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
Send us YOUR jokes, if they're clean enough to put up, we'll put them there!