SILLY JOKES PAGE
Several people have asked me to put up some of the Native jokes that go around in my travels, so here they are. I take no credit for authorship of any of them. Some are not really suitable for small children, so be forewarned.....On the other hand, some sensitive folks may deem these jokes to be somewhat racist. They're not racist, just culturist, and it's important to laugh, especially at yourself. If you have a funny Native Joke, please send it along, we'll post it here if it's not too disgusting....
- COLD WINTER!
- The Blackfeet asked their Chief in autumn, if the winter was going
to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replies
that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the
village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the nearest phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter was going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man replied, "its going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find
every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again and asks "Are you absolutely sure, that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely" the man replies, "the Blackfeet are collecting wood like crazy!"
- THE BRONZE RAT
- A Cheyenne guy went to Chinatown in San Francisco. While there he found
a bronze rat at a thrift store. "How much do you want for the
rat" he asked. "$3 for the rat and $1000 for the story
that goes with it" said the shopkeeper. "Just give me the
rat," the Cheyenne said, and then he left with it. As he
walked down the street he noticed a couple of rats following him. As he
walked further, more and more rats started chasing him. By the time he got
to the bay, there were thousands of rats chasing him. So he climbed up a
pole and threw the bronze rat into the water. To his amazement, all the
rats jumped into the water.
The Cheyenne then returned to the thrift store. "Ahh" the china man said. "Now you would like to hear the story?"
"No" said the Cheyenne, "I just came back to see if you had any bronze white men!"
MONTANA DEPARTMENT OF FISH AND GAME ADVISORY ON BEARS
Helena Montana, January 31, 1999 -
In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana
Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take
extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. "We advise
that outdoorsmen should wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to
startle bears that aren't expecting them," a spokesman said. "We
also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter
with a bear".
It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear
paw prints and scat.
A grizzly's paw is larger and its claws are longer than that of a black
bear. Black bear scat contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly
bear scat has little bells in it and smells like pepper.
Anglos have BC and AD to measure time. Native People only have the four BC's****(see bottom of page)
This wagon train is heading across the desert, when all of a sudden the wagon master notices that on all sides of the valley, there are Indian guys. He quickly forms the wagons into the "Hollywood" circle, to protect the families in the train. Nothing happens. Soon, drums are heard pounding out in the distance, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum, BUM, bum, bum, bum.......(the famous Hollywood drumbeat from the John Ford movies) The wagon master tells the train, "I don't like the sound of this...." From out in the distance comes another voice, saying, "We don't like the sound of it either. He's not our regular drummer!"
- 2 Lakota guys and a dude from New York are on a hunting trip. On the first day, one Lakota goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away. "How did you get your deer so fast?!" "Easy" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and got my deer."
- The next day the 2nd Lakota guy goes out, and less than an hour later returns with a deer. The guy from New York is blown away again, just flabbergasted. "How did you get YOUR deer so fast?!" "It's simple" says the Lakota guy, "I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and there was the deer."
- On the third day, the New York guy goes out. He doesn't return, and when darkness begins to fall, the two Lakota guys go looking for him. They found him lying at the base of a hill, bloodied up, clothes torn, and bones broken. "What happened to you?" they asked. "I did just what you told me to do, I looked for tracks, found them, followed them, and the damn train ran me over."
A Cheyenne man goes into a grocery store, and asks for a package of toilet paper. The clerk offers him 3 kinds, Charmin, Best Brand, and Generic. The Cheyenne man takes the generic. He comes back in a week later, throws the remainder of the toilet paper at the store clerk and says, "I don't want no cheap John Wayne toilet paper!" The clerk laughs and says, "It's not John Wayne toilet paper, it's GENERIC toilet paper." The Cheyenne guy tells him, 'You can call it whatever you want, but it's rough, tough, and won't take crap off nobody!"
A Dine' guy is sitting in a bus stop with two old Anglo men. The first Anglo guy says, "Hey Herb, where you going for vacation this year?" Herb tells him, "I'm going to Montana to fish this year", The first guy looks at him and exclaims, "What you want to go there fer? They ain't nothin but a bunch of damned Indians up there." Herb then says, "Well, where you goin?" The first guy says, "I'm going to Arizona and soak up some sun!" Herb looks at him and yells, "You moron, there's nothing but a bunch of Indians in Arizona!" Then the little Dine' guy speaks up and comments, "Why don't you both just go to hell! There's no Indians there."
- Between the reservation and the city, there is a road that marks the boundary lines. On one side of the road are the res dogs, and they just kind of lie around staying cool. On the city side are the city dogs, and they always chase cars as they go down the road, barking, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow". One day the city dogs ask the res dogs, "How come you never chase cars with us?" The res dogs respond, "What's the point, it's just a waste of time. The cars don't do anything when you chase them." The city dogs tell the res dogs that they think its just a lot of fun, so finally the res dogs agree to try it just once.
- The next car comes down the road, and the dogs from both sides chase the car. The city dogs bark, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow" and the res dogs chase too, but they bark, "Bow-wow, Bow-wow, Bow-wow, Bow-wow eeeehhhhhhhhhhh." :-)
- What did the Dine' lady say first time she went into Pizza Hut?
- "Who threw up on my fry bread?"
NASA asked this elder Dine' guy to record a message to put on their newest S.E.T.I. satellite, along with messages from other cultures and languages. He records the message, the satellite is launched, and one day CNN broadcasts the messages being sent into outer space from the spacecraft. A huge belly laugh is heard coming from the entire northern portion of Arizona. When CNN asks why the people are laughing, a man from Chinle tells them, "The message says that if they are hearing this, to stay quiet and don't respond, because as soon as the white man knows where those aliens live, they'll come over for dinner, and end up NEVER going home!"
An Apache guy, who had spent his whole life in the desert, goes to visit a
friend who had moved to town. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.
While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears this
whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.
BAM!!, he's hit by the train and tossed to the side of the tracks. It was only a
glancing blow, so he was lucky enough to live through it with a few broken bones
and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teapot whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teapot into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the noise, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the Apache guy, "Why'd you bust up my teapot?" The desert man replies, "Shii' kiis', you gotta kill these things when they're small."
Two Indians at Plymouth Rock watch a huge ship full of
white people pulling into the harbor. The one looks at the other and asked
"Do you think they'll stay overnight?".
Did you know that vegetarian is an indigenous word? Translated it mean "Can't hunt"!
What do Eskimos get from sitting on
the ice too long?
Polaroids.
What do Eskimos get from rubbing noses too many times?
Sniffilis.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
Remember, one cannot make footprints in the sands of time by sitting on their butt, and who wants to leave butt prints in the sands of time?
- ***
- Before Columbus
- Before Custer
- Before Commodity....
- Before Costner!!
Send us YOUR jokes, if they're clean enough to put up, we'll put them there!