10-25-00 - EDITORIAL
Scooby-Doo and the Television series!
I know it's been over a month since my last editorial, and with the move from my home, ending the tour, wrapping up loose ends, and other major life changes, it's gotten past me lately. I'm very sorry.
That being said, the other day I had opportunity to watch Scooby-Doo for the first time in many, many, years. Some thoughts struck me in those early morning hours in some cookie-cutter hotel room....I beg forgiveness if anyone is offended by my mental meanderings. And since I also feel like now is a good time for a more light-hearted editorial, here goes......
- So, I'm watching Scooby-Doo, which has been around since I was a child in the late 60's, early 70's. Heavy on that time frame, it will keep things in better perspective.
- It dawned on me, that this is a show about a talking dog, a scraggly guy who hangs out with a socialite female, a Harvard man, and a science whiz, and they all drive around in a tie-dyed van called the "Mystery Machine." Ponder that social structure just on it's own merits, and you'll probably come to a similar conclusion as my next train of thought.
- I said to myself, "Self, why would a Harvard guy hang out with a scraggly looking guy, a Great Dane that talks, and a science minded girl?" (Daphne makes sense, because she's a socialite. You can tell her family has money, just by the way she talks)
- Then it hit me!! Drugs!! Absolutely! Drugs....It all fits. The Harvard guy built a business model for manufacture and distribution of drugs! That's why they're always traveling all over the place, meeting strange people, seeing strange things, and getting into scrapes with the locals.
- It also explains why the dog talks, and why everyone can understand him! Just ponder that for a moment, and you'll understand what I mean.
- See, they make the drugs in the back of the Mystery Machine. That's why it's a Mystery, and a machine. It's also why you've never seen the inside of the van during the 25 years this cartoon has been on the air!
- So, it works like this; They make the drugs in the back of the van, drive around the country selling it. Velma is the one with the original recipe, and Freddy heard about it while he was in college from some guys who were using the dope. Daphne is Freddy's girlfriend, although Shaggy really has a thing for her from time to time. You can tell by the way his eyes are drawn. One day, Scooby got into the powder in the back of the van. He started doing weird things, and next thing you know.....He could speak in a language that everyone could understand.
- The alternative to this scenario, is that everyone else has done too much of the strange stuff, and Scooby doesn't really speak English, it's that everyone else speaks Dog. Except I understand what he's saying too, and I've never done drugs. So I really think Scooby had one too many Scooby Snaks if you know what I mean......
- Anyway, they drive around the world, selling their stuff, and then the local crooks get mad because of their business suffering. After all, if you were buying dope, wouldn't you rather get it from a famous cartoon character than from some unknown bum dealer on the street? So that's why people are always trying to scare the gang away! Remember the Abominable Snowman? See, he got that way because he somehow got stuck in the back of the Mystery Machine! He really isn't white, he's really a relative of Chewbacca, from Star Wars. He just got lots of dust on him and it made his fur go white. That's all...
- So, now you know the real truth. You may want to think twice before allowing your children to watch this cartoon any longer. It could be leading them astray!
- Think about it......real hard!
- And I'll see you soon with the next cartoon based conspiracy I'm working on uncovering. I think that Hadjii really is the secret second son of Dr. Quest, famous scientist from Johnny Quest! (By the way, I think Dr. Quest is really Velma's father too. They both act a little strange, and they are from the same TV station too.)
- Til next time...Don't take any wooden nickels from short forwards for the Knicks, and don't take anything you' ve read above with any degree of seriousness either. If you do, you just might end up believing in leprechauns. I already do, because I eat Lucky Charms every morning for breakfast!
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are
You? We got some work to do now.
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, Where Are You? We need some help from you now.
Come on Scooby-Doo, I see
you... pretending you got a sliver
But you're not fooling me, cause I can see, the way you shake and shiver.
You know we got a mystery to
solve, so Scooby Doo be ready for your act.
[Scooby Doo] Uh-uh Uh-uh
Don't hold back!
And Scooby Doo if you come through
you're going to have yourself a scooby snack!
That's a fact!
Scooby-Dooby-Doo, here Are You. You're ready and you're willing.
- Send us your comments, arguments, and opinions